It’s Time to Strive for Order Instead of Balance. Here’s Why
I’ve been on the hunt for the ever-elusive “balance” for most of my adult life. In college, I tried to juggle a full class load, multiple part-time jobs, and being involved in groups on campus. Then came the juggling act of trying to balance friendships, family and a dating relationship with my now husband. After graduation, the juggling act continued in my new role as a wife, writer and, eventually, mother.
Despite my best efforts though, I’ve always felt like I’m giving someone (or something) the short end of the stick. For instance, when I worked outside the home as a new mother, it seemed I could focus on my daughter or my work projects, but never both well. My natural inclination to say “yes” to every opportunity that presents itself certainly doesn’t help either.
However, I’m relieved to discover that my search for balance is finally over. It’s not because I’ve found the golden answer and magically discovered how to do it all. Instead, a conversation with a friend drastically shifted the way I’m approaching this years-long hunt for balance.
In fact, I’ve given up on balance.
It’s not because I want to live a life that feels constantly off-kilter. In fact, in my current season as a young mom of two girls aged two and under, I’m even more hungry for it than ever before.
But instead of longing for balance, I’ve started establishing order in my daily life.
At first glance, there doesn’t seem to be a difference between the two concepts. But the meanings and origins of the words themselves reveal a contrast. The word “balance” originated in relation to balancing out two things on a pair of scales with the goal of equality in weight. On the other hand, “order” comes from the Latin “ordinem,” which means to put things in a row, to create a pattern, or to establish a routine.
Instead of aiming to give everything in my life — my relationships, responsibilities, desires and dreams — the same weight and frantically trying to balance them all without something (or everything!) crashing down on me, I’ve spent the last few months reexamining my priorities and putting all things in order. This means some things rank higher than others and, much to my type-A chagrin, some things are left behind.
To find order, I have to admit that it’s not possible for me to have it all together, but I can order my life well. I can give some things my all, even if it comes at the expense of having to say no to other things.
If you’re ready to exchange balance for order, here are a few of my favorite pieces of advice I’ve picked up from friends and mentors along the way.