Love is More than an Open Door: Chivalry in Today's Culture

I'm going to make a bold statement that some of you may not agree with.  The modern day gentleman who respects women and values human beings for who they are and not what they can give him is out there.

Believe me, I know what you're thinking. Because I thought it for so long as well.

That sounds great, but there aren't any good guys out there anymore. They just don't exist.  If they're out there, they aren't in my life and they probably never will be.  

Well, I'm here to tell you that you're wrong.  They do exist, and not just in fiction or Hallmark Movie Christmas specials.  Instead, they could be on your campus, in your church, in your family or on your way to work.

“How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong, because someday in your life, you will have been all of these.” George Washington Carver (1864-1943); botanist, agricultural chemist, inventor, educator: But in order to appreciate chivalry as a woman, that means that we have to accept the beautiful gift of a man respecting us.  And sometimes that's hard for a generation of women who have been told that their body is the only thing that a man wants, and it's not worth it to have self-respect.

I don't love chivalry because I'm weak, or lack self-esteem, or simply don't have the desire to open doors - but because I'm honoring the God-given position that has been given to the men in my life {whether that be my dad, boyfriend, or brothers in their own way} to lead me to Heaven.  Not because they're better than me, or holier than me.  But because in Ephesians 5, Christ calls men to lay down their lives for the women they love, which speaks of the love story between Christ and His bride, the Church.  Do you know what that love story involved?  Dying.  Stretched out on a wooden beam, heaving for breath, forgiving those who were torturing him, agony and pain.  Out of love for Her.  And out of respect for the amazing plan that God had for Her in the story of the salvation of His people.

Perhaps it is not the chivalry is dead...perhaps it is that we've started settling for a lot less.  A quick look onto the Billboard Top 40 Hits right now is a testimony to the deep ache felt by the general population for something more.  Something deeper.  Something meaningful.  

Selena Gomez is sick of that same old, her body has had enough.  Alessia Cara would rather be home all by herself not in this room with people who don't even care about her well being.  Cam has been sleepwalking, wandering all night, trying to take what's lost and broke and make it right.  And Justin Bieber just wants to know what his lover means when she nods her head yes but she wants to say no.  This culture is looking for a sweeter song - something satisfying.  Yet, ironically, it simultaneously rejects everything that resembles respect for one another as human beings made in the image and likeness of our Heavenly Father {especially in a romantic relationship, which often sink into utilitarianism} because it's old fashioned and the future has to have something better in store...right?

so many pictures of holding hands in the car and yet they never get old: Maybe I'm biased.  I am exceedingly blessed to have an earthly father who has loved me from day one and never been afraid to show that through his actions.  I am tremendously blessed to be dating a man who constantly puts my good above his own and makes me so proud of him through the way that he loves me.  My little brothers respect me and honor me in their own unique way - which usually involves giving me a Nerf gun before they start firing.  Hey, to each his own.

Chivalry is so much more than just opening the car door or walking on the outside side of the sidewalk. It isn't just giving a girl your jacket or helping her carry things.  It would be a great disservice to the men who practice chivalry to reduce that virtue down simply to the fruits of the actions performed.  Chivalry is a state of mind.  Chivalry is valuing a woman's heart not for what she can do for you, but for who she is integrally.  Chivalry inspires those around it to be more, do more and act with integrity.

                      God assigns to every man the dignity of every woman. (JPII)  

Not just the woman you love romantically.  Not just your mother, or your sisters, or your dear friends.  No, every woman is deserving of respect...especially when she herself has forgotten that she is worthy of a passionate and self-giving love.

Gentleman.  In the amazing and continuously applicable words of Saint Pope John Paul II - Be Not Afraid.  I know, I know, I say that phrase so much, but it is so beautifully encompassing of the point I'm trying to articulate.  There are women who won't appreciate the gift that you're trying to give them through respecting them.  Give it anyway.  There are people who will call you old fashioned and tell you to get with the times when you take the time to go the extra mile in any relationship.  Ignore them.  You're tapping into the greater call of manhood when you respect a woman.  Every woman, regardless of her recognition of the fact, deserves men in her life who respect her as a child of God.  And every man deserves to be appreciated for his effort.  So, for those who don't recognize your acts of chivalry, thank you.  Thank you for putting our good ahead of yours in a very tangible way.  Please, I beg you, continue to stand against the current of the modern culture and show women the love that they so deeply deserve.

Ladies.  If the men in your life are showing you that you are worthy of respect...value them for it.  If the man in front of you at the convenience store or the classroom holds the door - thank them.  It's not because you are weak.  I know you can get that door for yourself.  But your brother is stopping and consciously reflecting the love that God has for you as His daughter.  We can't let that pass us by because we are too proud to say thank you.  The radical feminist movement has ruined a lot for women, but one of the greatest injustices that it perpetrated was the emasculation of the men in our lives.  In their own way, they are sacrificing for you.   Don't let the vicious cycle of use continue in our world.

On Sunday at Church, the priest who said Mass talked about the inherent intertwining that happens with masculine and feminine spirituality.

                      The strength of every man lies in the heart of the woman he loves. 

The interaction between the two sexes while here on this earth is meant to reflect the love that the Heavenly Father has shown and continues to show us.  Don't miss out on partaking in that exchange because of pride...on either end of the equation.

I Gave up Makeup for a Month...Here's What I Found.

I was seventeen years old when I first cracked open a bottle of mascara.  Granted, if it had been completely up to me, I would have been a makeup aisle regular long before the tender age of seventeen.  I had been eyeing makeup tutorials since freshman year of high school, and the countdown til the age of initiation into the makeup-wearers club seemed to tick away subconsciously until that blessed day.

Then the birthday rolled around, along with a select amount of makeup items and I integrated makeup into my morning routine almost immediately.  Granted, yes, it did add time to my already busy morning schedule (that mostly consisted of sleeping in twice past my alarm and drinking numerous cups of coffee) but it I thought it was worth it.  I felt polished, pretty, noticeable.

You were born to be real, not to be perfect | 22 Quotes About Self-Confidence That Will Brighten Up Your Life: Yet, for a variety of reasons, I decided to give up makeup for a month.  When preparing, I thought that as the amount of makeup on my face diminished, so would my self-confidence, but I couldn't have been more wrong.

During all my time on Pinterest or YouTube, trying to find the perfect make-up routine, I had forgotten that I wasn't supposed to be perfect (in the physical sense of the word).  Instead, I was meant to be real - myself - and confident in who I was created to be.

Then I turned to my Bible for reassurance before the whole experiment started, and I couldn't have found more assurance and love than in the words that the God who created me wrote for me.

In Jeremiah 31:3, I was told by a Divine Lover that He had loved me long before I had put makeup on.  In 2 Corinthians 3:18, He spoke and said that I was being transformed to be more like Him everyday.  In Psalm 46:5, He told me that as I find my confidence, faith and trust in Him, I would have His help at the break of every day.

Thus, the month began.  Benefits abounded - there was something freeing about being able to take off my glasses and rub my eyes when I was tired without having to worry about black eyeliner streaking on my face.  There was a confidence felt in the assurance that people interacting with me were getting to see me for me - my personality, my quirks and Chloe-isms, and not just for what I looked like.  Slowly but surely, I was taking off a mask.

And no one said anything.

Not one thing.  Not at work, school, or social nights with friends.  Not at the coffee house, the drive-through or the line at the grocery store.

"I struggle with my skin, but who doesn't? There will always be something about ourselves that we find troubling, but in the end, we have love and that is worth more than all the accolades we could have ever received for being beautiful" - Christopher Poindexter 

As my normal interactions with those who came in and out of my life continued throughout the month, my confidence didn't diminish...it grew.  I was delighting in being seen for myself, and realizing that the weight that I put on my shoulders, this pressure to look perfect, was not a shared burden with those in my life who were close to my heart.  I was not being told by my closest friends that things had changed, or that they noticed I didn't look right.

I discovered that if I viewed makeup as a mixture of colors and pallets used to make ugly things beautiful, than I was doing makeup {and life} wrong.  Makeup is a way in which to magnify a beauty that already exists.  It's a morning routine that shouldn't cover up or distract from the beauty that comes from within - confidence, self-esteem and an awareness of the fact that God doesn't make mistakes.

Then, finally on the day I had designated as the end of my makeup fast, I pulled out my makeup bag from the cabinet it had sat in, untouched for almost thirty days.  And it felt different, putting on lipstick and making sure everything was in place for stepping outside the door.  I'm not saying that women shouldn't put effort into how they look, but it was strange to have to map out time for my morning routine again, instead of just waking up and delving into the day.

I learned that I want to be beautiful - a desire that had been in my heart while I had been anxiously waiting to be allowed to wear makeup just as much as it was a desire when I had my own little case full of colors sitting on the bathroom counter.

"If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world." - C.S. Lewis 

Double exposure portraits: a simple tutorial for making surrealist images: My desire is still to be beautiful - but not like the pictures of the super models and Miss Universes or the photo-shopped falsity that is plastered across the grocery store check out lanes and billboards on the highway.  I want to be beautiful for the way that I think, the crazy thoughts that run through my head that with hard work and a lot of prayer from my friends upstairs, can be turned into a reality.

I want to be beautiful for the way I can make people smile and laugh and forget their worries, even if it's just for a little while.  I don't want to be labeled as beautiful for something that will fade - whether that be my lipstick color or even my physical appearance in a more general sense.  I want to be beautiful at a soul level - and that is something that cannot be attained by an eye shadow shade.

"That's the thing about inner beauty: unlike physical beauty, which grabs the spotlight for itself, inner beauty shines on everyone, catching them, holding them in its embrace and making them more beautiful too." 

Why the Hook Up Culture is Ruining Marriage

At Stanford University, a sociologist named Paula England has been researching the hook up culture for the past ten years.  She has interviewed almost 20,000 students from over 20 colleges.  Her research indicates that by the time one reaches their fourth year of college, 72 percent of students have had at least one hook up.  A majority of people, college students in this particular study, have felt the need to test drive their relationship, or have given themselves to someone they met in class, at a party, or over tinder.

Why is hooking up such a problem in today's culture?  For multiple reasons, but essentially the process of hooking up and breaking up is destroying the beauty of sex in the way that God intended.

Hooking up takes away from the beauty of intimacy and sex in the right context. 

It is the wish I have for you, as long as God leaves breath in your body. And the act that this is a C.S. Lewis quote makes it even greater.:

Despite the fact that hooking up promotes the very physical act of giving yourself to someone, it destroys the beauty of what sex is meant to be - and the whole intimacy surrounding the gift of yourself to another human being.   In Love and Responsibility, Pope John Paul II wrote, "Love between a man and a woman cannot be built without sacrifices and self-denial."

Sacrifice and Self Denial. 

Yet hooking up promotes immediate gratification and selfish desires.  We are living in a world enamored with the idea of finding 'the one' but the solution is to go out with as many people as possible and give yourself away to whoever asks in the idea of test-driving what you like and don't like.

Hooking up is counter-intuitive to people who are looking for long-lasting relationships.


Sleeping with someone before marriage doesn't prevent relationship woes, or solve marriage. In fact, if anything, it can make it harder.  With hooking up, your body is connecting with someone on a physical and emotional level long before you even know the character traits of the other person.  It's a relationship or even a brief encounter when you jump automatically into a deep, yet unsustainable connection.

Be You, because that's BEYOUtiful; and do not think otherwise. =): In the end, marriage isn't about how you are compatible with someone.  As Jason Evert once said, "I'm a guy and she's a girl.  We're incompatible.  She thinks we need seven throw pillows on the bed.  This marriage thing is going to be tough."  What really matters in a relationship and in a marriage is how you as a couple deal with those incompatibilities.

You do not have to test drive someone physically to find out if they are the one. 

And contrary to common concepts or slang, a person is not a car, or a cereal kind that you have to try out before you know if you are going to be compatible with or be able to have a relationship with them.

Here are things to do to find out if your significant other is the one that doesn't involve reducing them down to their physical body alone.

Pray about it.


Prayer is not about changing God's mind so that His plan for our lives finally lines up with what we think is best for us.  Instead, it is about aligning our will to God's will.  So if you're wanting to take your relationship to the next level and really show love for him or her, then talk with God about the relationship.  Not talk at  God about what you want the relationship to be.

Will Their Good

Love Never Fails Free Printable | Beloved bible quote from 1 Corinthians | onsuttonplace.com: Authentic love is willing the good of the other as other.  Not your good above their good.  Or your friend's opinions above their good.  Or your pleasure above their good.

Share Experiences With Them

Your married life with someone is not going to only consist of being with them physically.  What does your weekend looks like with your significant other? Do you share passions? Have you conquered something together?  Are you experiencing the adventures of every day life with them? Have you seen them in situations with their friends, or people who really know them?  What are they like?  How someone interacts with those around them is significantly more telling of how a life will them will look like, in comparison to how well you are sexually compatible.

Ultimately, keep striving dear friends.  It's a hard life.  We're living a counter-cultural phenomena - and are swimming against the current.  It's hard....but it's so worth it it.  Keep up the good fight.

In Christ,

Chloe M.

Appreciating Women

In the late 1960s, the feminist movement burst onto the cultural scene in America, and in it's wake has left an American culture that is thirsting for true femininity and the ever elusive answers concerning the interaction between men and women.

The world defines feminism as equality.  Men and women should be treated the same, and men and women should be allowed to do whatever they want.

What does a Catholic have to say on this issue?

I believe in the distinct equality of the human person - but I also greatly value the beauty in the differences between men and women and how God created two genders...not one.

I'm a Aquinas-loving, theology-reading, baseball loving woman with a pixie cut.  I love a good maxi skirt, a strong espresso, and the desire to totally loose myself in love of others.  And I believe that radical feminism has destroyed femininity.  

I'm tired of a radical feminism that says that my desires to get married and have a family are old fashioned and I'm giving up on what should be my 'real dreams' if I pursue something so archaic. I'm tired of an angry feminism that says it's my body and I can do with it whatever I want.  I'm sick of the radical feminism that says woman should just be clones of men and there is no difference between the two.

I value womanhood and femininity as a whole because the world needs femininity and, frankly, the world needs the beauty and uniqueness of women.  For too long, today's culture has squished what is feminine down into the outskirts of society, all with the battle cry that women are equal, and men and women are the same. And if womanhood is talked about, it's reduced to narcissistic messages about how woman can look...which is more objectifying than empowering.

In his letter to women in 1995, Saint John Paul II wrote, "Thank you, every woman, for the simple fact of being a woman! Through the insight which is so much a part of your womanhood you enrich the world's understanding and help to make human relations more honest and authentic." 

A valuing of women and Catholicism aren't two things that are at odds with each other. In fact, it is in the Catholic Church that I am the most valued, respected, and honored as a woman.  The love and honor showed to our Blessed Mother radiates the appreciation of the beauty of a woman's role in salvation history.  Saint Edith Stein (Teresa Benedicta of the Cross) wrote, "The feminine sex is ennobled by the virtue of the Savior's being born of a human mother; a woman was the gateway through which God found entrance to humankind." Whoa. Re-read that line if you have to : it was a woman who acted as the very portal for Christ to enter the world and take on human nature.  If that honor isn't something that values a woman, I don't know what is.

Being a woman doesn't mean that I'm weak, or insignificant, or less-than-a-person. It actually means that I'm strong, beautifully valued, and a whole person who finds my value and significance in Christ.

Being a woman isn't about what you wear, what service projects you have on your resume, whether you are married, or devoted to the religious life.  It isn't about how long your hair is, whether you wear high heels, what religious orders' charism appeals to you, or who your favorite spiritual author is.  Being a female, desiring to uphold the dignity of women as human beings, and possessing a sense of femininity is something completely different.

"It's about what inspires our deepest passion, and who reigns in our hearts." Colleen Carroll Campbell says in her talk, "The Feminine Genius."

We live in a world that hungers so deeply for saints to rise up, and whose brokenness yearns for the touch a spiritual materialism.  But the culture's answer to this problem is to create a uni-gender mentality that blurs the lines between roles of men and women, and disdains any difference between what is male and what is female.

Femininity is not a burden or a set back.  Instead, it is a beautiful gift that allows one to be so receptive to Christ's love for oneself and for the world. Call me old fashioned, but I agree with Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen who said, "The level of any civilization is always its level of womanhood.  In as much as woman is loved, it follows that the nobler a woman is, the nobler a man will have to be to be deserving of that love.  That is why the level of any civilization of its womanhood."

The feminine genius that JPII called women to is a great call - a call to love.  A call to embrace the fact that woman are called to help create a culture and world that is open to life.

If we take what JPII and the Church says about women, Colleen Campbell says, "We realize that our fulfillment lies not in tearing men down, or, in imitating boys behaving badly.  It lies in becoming more fully what God created us to be: human beings who bear His image to the world in a distinctively feminine way."

Viva La Difference....Viva La Feminine. 

NFP as a single, college age girl

You wouldn't think that the words "Natural family planning" and "single Catholic college girl" would work together in one sentence very well. Well, until now that is.  It's not just for married couples - the concepts introduced with Natural Family Planning are concepts that can affect every one's life, regardless of what stage you're at.  So why now? 

Because you shouldn't wait until you are married to start thinking about your fertility.

It's easy to think that the time we have right now while in college is not the time to be worried about fertility and all that jazz.  We're young.  We've got our whole lives ahead of us.  Yet let me tell you something - it is becoming more and more obvious to me that life is literally flying by quicker than I can blink.  My little sister just graduated from high school.  My co-worker just got married and now has a beautiful little baby.  My college peers are graduating.  Life is happening, and snap you're fingers and you'll be at another stage of your life.  Don't wait until you're married to start thinking about how to take care of your health and fertility.

Because you should know where you stand on the issue of birth control before you are in a relationship.

The number one reason marriages don't last anymore? Failed communication.  When birth control was first introduced to the public scene in the early 1960s, it's affect on issues like divorce wasn't something that was on people's minds.  This was about improving marriages! Less stress around pregnancies, littles, and a general well being of the family.  But come in the 1970s, and divorce rates doubled.  And it didn't stop in the 70s  - the number of divorces tripled from 400,000 in 1962 to 1.2 million in 1981.

Why? Because birth control in a marriage says one thing and does another.  Sex, by it's unitive and procreative nature, says "Here is all of me!" but the addition of birth control tacks on "Well, all of me except my fertility.  And our future children."  And that communication can tear down a marriage that is meant to be, according to the Catechism, "ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring" but instead reduces both members down to the sum of their parts.

Because it's not birth control...which is what my doctors want me to be on.

It seems now a days that any medical issue that arises in a girl's life is a case where birth control is prescribed by her doctor.  According to a study conducted in the United States, from 2006-2010, 62 percent of all women in the United states who are of reproductive age are currently prescribed some form of contraceptive birth control.

I've been there.  I've sat down with my doctor and heard how medical issues would be easily, quickly, and painlessly resolved if I would just let her write a prescription for birth control for me.

But there are a lot of risks associated with just the pill - most of which are not gone over in the doctors office when the pill itself is prescribed.  The pill is actually a combination of two different hormonal medications: estrogen and progestin.  Because of this increase in hormone presence in the body, the pill carries with it many side affects, one of them being breast cancer.  Research indicates that the birth control pill itself will increase the risk of a woman getting breast cancer by over 40% if she takes the pill before she has her first child.  After she delivers her first baby though, the chances rocket to over 70% increase of breast cancer risk if she continues for more than four years.

My family has a very high risk of breast cancer on both sides of my family, so taking the pill for me would be not only putting my current health at risk, but also placing the time I spend with my future family at jeopardy
 as well.  Other than just breast cancer risks though, the pill's side affects also include higher blood pressure, heart health issues, blood clotting, a lack of fertility once off the pill prescription, increase of liver and cervical cancers, difficulty breast feeding and a lowering of the immune system to AIDS and HIV.  

On top of all this, the cost of being on the pill for just five years is over $1,000.  I'm in college.  And I drink a lot of coffee.  The budget that I have for medication is very small - and to be purchasing something that acts as a band-aid for the medical issues that I do have, only to increase my future medical risks and costs isn't a cost effective choice. 

Studying the concepts of Natural Family Planning - such as the charting and tracking of fertility - is one way that NFP has been a blessing to me as a single Catholic woman.  Instead of relying on artificial hormones, I'm able to utilize the concepts of NFP to track my fertility and expose a lot of the underlying issues that birth control might have covered up - like the simple addition of vitamins into my diet and a better awareness of my fitness and general health.  

Also, this book was incredibly helpful for that reason.  

Because your body is amazing...and knowing how it works is fantastic too.

Even if you're not married, or heck, if you're in the same boat as me and you're not even dating, it's no excuse to not appreciate how stinking amazing the human body is.  One of my dearest friends is in veterinarian school and sends me facts about the body and the reproduction system and it's amazing. For instance, did you know that, for women, the smell of a newborn baby triggers the same part of the brain reward center as a drug addiction does?  God has literally thought of everything imaginable and to be able to learn about it is the bomb.

Although it may not seem like it, in your early twenties is the ideal time to learn all of this as well.  Down the road you may have a family, a full time career, graduate degree work, or any other number of amazing thing God has planned for you.  Right now is the perfect time to dig into the amazing work He's laid out for us in our creation.

Because life is beautiful no matter what stage of life you're in.

This morning at church I sat behind a family with five littles.  They were gorgeous - all of them under ten and full of life and energy.  And it was beautiful.  Am I utilizing NFP right now to plan my family with my spouse? Nope.  However, knowing how NFP works and the Church's teachings concerning families right now helps so much when both interacting with families now and when I, God willing, have my own family in the future.

God's plan for your fertility doesn't start when you put on a wedding dress.  Or when you are called to start a family.  Or even if you are not called to marriage at all.  Your body is good. It makes it possible for you to be Christ's hands and feet to the world around you.

This weekend we celebrated the Feast of the Ascension - yet another way that Christ tells us that our bodies are important.  He rises, body and soul, and ascends into Heaven.  If the body wasn't important, Christ wouldn't have a glorified one.

So take the time now to learn more about your fertility.  It is never too early to glorify the Lord with your whole self.

For further resources, check out these amazing websites:

Couple to Couple League: A great way to learn the basics of NFP and how they interact in a - marriage.

- United States Conference of Catholic Bishops: This website has some great articles about the religious explanation of why the Catholic Church supports NFP.

- Carrots for Michaelmas: Haley Stewart is probably the most incredible Catholic mama blogger in my opinion.  She's sassy, has an incredible sense of style, and, in her own words is a "homeschooling, bacon-eating, coffee-drinking southern girl with a flair for liturgical feasts and a penchant for bright red lipstick."  In other words, who I want to be when I grow up.  She has a fantastic piece on her NFP experience over on her blog.

There are countless of other bloggers who have written on their experience with NFP - the good, the bad, and the ugly.  If you're looking for some more information on the subject, drop me a note in the comment box and I'll get you set up.

An Open Letter to My Brothers in Christ

Dear Christian Men,

This letter is for you.

Whether you have come into my life already or will in the future.  Whether I count you as a really great friend or will never meet you. Whether you're a country music listener or an avid alternative music fan.  Whether you pour over books or don't even pick them up if they aren't school assignments.  Whether you get to things five minutes early or ten minutes late.

This letter is for you.

Saint John Paul II once said, "Precisely on the level of this language [of the body], man and woman reciprocally express themselves in the fullest and most profound way possible to them by the corporeal dimension of masculinity and femininity. Man and woman express themselves in the measure of the whole truth of the human person.” (TOB Aug. 22, 1984).

You guys are awesome.  You can grow a beard (huge fan), have great cologne that smells amazing hours after you put it on, and in general have very comfy shoe options for formal events. Which I hugely envy.

In all sincerity, thank you. Thank you for the times where you've let me truly appreciate my own sense of femininity by honoring who I am as a woman.  For little things, like holding the door for me, walking me to my car after a late night shift or that night class, or being a great lead in swing dancing.

And for the bigger things, like leading me spiritually, challenging my views and urging me to be a better person.  For inspiring me to be a better Christian by your example of loving the Lord.

American author Norman Mailer once said, "Because there is very little honor left in American life, there is a built-in tendency to destroy masculinity in American men."

He's right.  And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for all the times that I've fallen back on the old slams of "girls rule, boys drool."  Yep, those were mature times.  I'm sorry for the culture that we live in.  I'm sorry for the struggle you have to go through each day of your life, bombarded by a hyper-sexualized society that uses the objectification of women as a means of advertisement.

For the times where I've used you for my own emotional benefit.  For nailing on you for dealing with visual chastity while indulging in emotional lusting all day without you knowing.  For trying on your last name before even finding out your favorite thing to eat for dinner, your best memory, your passions and desires for life and for the Lord.

For the days where treating you as a brother in Christ fell to the wayside in favor of treating you as a potential...for valuing you for what you could do for me.  For the times when I've made the interactions between us a "me vs. them" instead of a journey towards Christ together.

And, on the flip side, for putting you ahead of God and idolizing what I thought would make the "perfect" man and projecting those dreams onto you.

"Relieved of moral pretense and stripped of folk costumes, the raw masculinity that all men know in their gut has to do with being good at being a man within a small, embattled gang of men struggling to survive"  (Jack Donovan)

Thank you for the struggle.

Sincerely,

A striving sister in Christ